


a remembrance of the past, a step towards the hesitant future

by aethkr



Series: hues of blue and red [4]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, YouRiko Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 17:17:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17104808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethkr/pseuds/aethkr
Summary: Where photos are what Riko cherished the most, where Riko longed for the past, not because she doesn't know how to let go, but because shecouldn't.





	a remembrance of the past, a step towards the hesitant future

Yō Watanabe. I loved her. We were together once, but it didn’t work out like we wanted it to. It was a dream, and despite its positive connotation, it was just a dream. Where everything changed the moment you opened your eyes, where everything that happened was now nothing more than a memory, a memory that you wished had continued but couldn’t. It was all too bittersweet, to watch months of work turned into a story you can never finish. But I guess that was what described us most.

A bittersweet memory.

It wasn’t that we weren’t meant to be. We were. We were in love for longer than everyone expected. We surpassed expectations and became the couple you would see in romance movies—perfect.

It wasn’t that things got worse. Our breakup was mutual and we let the other go at the same time. Our relationship was the world. I never thought I’d be this lucky.

In another time I believed that we were married, that we had kids, that we were living the life we worked hard for and we were reaping its efforts. In another time I believed we didn’t go away. We were happy, we were ok, everything was a little less complicated.

But even through everything, we failed. Failed because even if we were fated to meet, it was never our destiny to stay.

Although I miss her, whenever I passed through certain city spots I remember the little bits, the remnants of a relationship that once was. A friendship that was once, too.

I miss her, I miss her smile. It was so radiant. She allowed her insecurities to get the better of her sometimes but she stayed confident. And whenever I was drowning she was there to save me.

We were, what others said, two parts of a whole. I thought otherwise. We were two wholes that suited each other, for if we were always searching for someone we’d probably never meet, it’d be torture. Always feeling empty, a feeling I’ve gotten used to but I’ve learned to cope. If one would feel that because they couldn’t fill the missing piece to their puzzle, it’d fill them with feelings of never being enough, being stressed, sad, alone.

I saw her the other day, and remembered how I’d always snap a photo of her without her noticing. I have dozens of photos stored in my phone of her before. I think I still have them now, but I think they’re locked away somewhere. Looking at her made me wish I argued back. I know that we broke up mutually, but it still makes me wish for better times. It made me look up to the sky and cry the tears I held back when we left

It was painfully bittersweet.

We took a photo together when we were out on our first date. Splitting the bill was difficult, neither of us were good at math. It was disadvantageous, but that’s why we have calculators don’t we?

Photos. It’s a painting where its colors consisted of emotions and memories, what-ifs and should’ve-beens, nostalgia and longing. For me, it meant saving the events that’d happen only once in a lifetime. It meant cherishing the past in order to enjoy the present and await for the future. For when the time comes and I have forgotten where I came from, I have a way of knowing what I’ve lost.

Yō, are you still out there? Am I the only one who feigned letting go? Am I the one left on the cliff because you already fell? Do you remember when we were stargazing and I couldn’t stop taking pictures of the constellations? You told me that they wouldn’t go away, so it’s best if I put my phone down and relish the moment.

I was so set on preparing for the future, that I couldn’t enjoy the present.

“Riko, is that you?”

I quickened my pace. After many months of trying to forget, I didn’t want to see you. After many months of failing to forget, I didn’t want to see you. After many months of falling for you over and over again, I didn’t want to see you.

After many months of convincing myself that I did want to see you, I didn’t want to. We were a bittersweet memory, a photo that when you’d look at it, would pull at your heartstrings and make your heart ache for something that “once was”.

“Riko!”

I thought it was mutual. I thought that I was completely ok with letting you go. I thought— Turns out I was masking “no” with pretending to close the door behind me. Turns out I wasn’t just lying to you, I was lying to myself.

“Riko, I know that’s you!”

It was like the beginning. You were chasing after a flower, something you loved to call me. It always made me blush, but it has grown on me and now I don’t mind the nickname.

I wanted to see you. So I turned towards you, I remembered every time I’d wake up to see you beside me. I remembered. I didn’t want to. But I did.

I wish we met at a better time Yō, where we were meant to be together. I wanted to have a future with you. And I did, but I wanted— I wanted you. Am I too selfish?

“Oh, hi Yō.”

The grin on your face that showed victory because you didn’t mistook me for someone else. It was a pleasant sight. One that overwrote the countless looks of hopelessness and helplessness of the past.

“Ha! I knew you looked familiar.”

There was an awkward silence. A gap that both of us knew that if circumstances were better, would’ve been filled.

~~(I hate it how I keep dwelling on the past)~~

“So...what are you doing around here?”

You rubbed your hands in delight. “I was on my way home actually. Wanna stop by?”

It felt nice. Knowing that I was welcome in your home. Knowing that things weren’t as awkward as I made it out to be. I was the more dramatic person in our relationship after all. I still couldn’t believe you were ok with me.

“Wouldn’t it be awkward? We cut all connections after we broke up...”

Saying that left a bad taste in my mouth. Among Aqours, Yō was my favorite. She was my favorite. I loved hearing her sing, watching her dance, and do whatever she wanted to do. It gave me something to do whenever my insecurities got the better of me.

“Well, hi. I’m Yō Watanabe. Nice to meet you.”

But even though the ropes have been cut, maybe there’s still hope.

“Riko Sakurauchi. It’s nice to meet you too.”

Maybe we’ll be able to make amends, start a new friendship. We could catch up on what we’ve missed in the other’s life. Maybe we could get back what we lost.

 

And even if it's just a maybe, I'll keep my hopes up.

 

I risked it once, who said I couldn't do it again?

**Author's Note:**

> day 4 finished haha
> 
> @aeth_kr


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